Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize