Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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