He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
