i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
