I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
