He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
