my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
