Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize