it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
