So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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