I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
