Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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