i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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