in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
