Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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