I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
