He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
