I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
