You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
