Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
