Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
