I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
