it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
