Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
