Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
