Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He shit in the fireplace
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
