Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
