Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
