I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
