I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
