i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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