hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
