i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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