we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
