Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
