apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
