textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im having a threesome with these popsicles
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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