ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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