med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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