mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
