i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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