At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize