Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
