I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
