the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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