I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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