My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
