i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
