JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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