By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
