hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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