Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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