I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
