Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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