Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Randomize
