would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
