woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
