Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
