Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
