Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
