stop calling my apartment porn island.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
