maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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