He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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