I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
