you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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