I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
