I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
