I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
