Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found your dick twin last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
