So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
