Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
