We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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