we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boobs speak an international language.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
