god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
