All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
